Dr. Alan Viau

Wedding Advice: Prepare and then Focus on What’s Right

You have spent many hours preparing for your wedding. You can get all caught up in the details and become upset when they don’t all come together. In focusing on what is right – your marriage – you can ride these out and have a fondly remembered day.

There have been countless times when I’ve seen stressed out brides just before a ceremony. They have worried about the color of the rose petals that the flower girl will carry and a never ending list of small things. Unfortunately, they can lose sight of what is important – their marriage.

I arrived at the golf course in Montreal to perform the wedding ceremony. They had hoped to have the wedding outdoors. The weather had not cooperated and the grounds master would not allow it to occur on the grass. This was the beginning of many challenges with this wedding. When I checked in with the groom, I found him so nervous that I thought he would faint at any moment. She had forgotten a get a glass for the “Breaking the Glass” ritual and reached around and gave me a standard wine glass from the bar. I needed to hunt around and haul a table so that we could do the signing. By the time the ceremony began, two water column vases had been knocked over and broken. As the bride walked down the aisle, she almost tripped over the runner. Her bridesmaids were not in the right order at the front and her parents got confused in where they were to sit. All this before I started talking at the ceremony.

I love this bride. She could have freaked out at any time. Instead, she took it all in stride and focused on what was important – she was marrying her man. It was fitting that one of her readings was the following:

“Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficult and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another – remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives – remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.”

I later received an email thanking me for all the laughs and tears on her big day – a day that is now a fond memory.

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