Dear Nandini
My husband and I are trying to decide on what kind of head table we would like to have. We are thinking of a sweetheart table but would also like to include some close family members. How can we do this as we both have very big families?
Sweethearts
Dear Sweetheart Table,
With every wedding there comes a moment when you hear a groan emanating from engaged couples around the world and it’s usually because they are staring at a floor plan and a list of 150 names, trying to figure out where their ‘favorite’ person can sit without causing an ‘international incident’.
But before you dive into the complex geometry of seating your second cousins, you have a much more fun—and crucial—decision to make: Where are you two going to sit?
Your seating arrangement sets the tone for the evening. It dictates how much you’ll eat, who you’ll talk to, and how “on display” you feel. Gone are the days when a long, stiff dais was the only option. Today, couples are prioritizing comfort, connection, and aesthetics.
Here is a breakdown of the most popular seating options for the newlyweds, along with the pros and cons of each, to help you decide where to park yourselves for your first meal as a married couple.
1. The Sweetheart Table
What it is: A small, intimate table set up just for the bride and groom. It is usually placed prominently so all guests have a clear view of the couple.
The Vibe: Romantic, intimate, and highly focused.
Why You Might Love It (Pros):
- Private Moments: Your wedding day is an absolute whirlwind of hugging, handshaking, and photo-taking. A sweetheart table guarantees you 20 minutes to actually look at your new spouse, take a deep breath, and soak it all in together.
- You Actually Eat: When you are sitting with a large group, you spend the whole meal talking. When it’s just the two of you, you are much more likely to finish that amazing dinner you paid for.
- Solves Bridal Party Problems: If you have a massive bridal party, or half of them are married and half are single, the sweetheart table neatly sidesteps the awkward “do we sit them with their dates or separate them?” dilemma.
Things to Consider (Cons):
- Feeling Isolated: Some extroverted couples feel a bit lonely sitting by themselves while a party rages around them.
- The “Fishbowl” Effect: Because all eyes are on you, it can feel a bit like you are on stage during dinner.
2. The Traditional Head Table
What it is: A long, rectangular table, usually elevated on a riser, where the couple sits in the middle, flanked by the entire bridal party on one side, facing the guests.
The Vibe: Formal, traditional, and grand.
Why You Might Love It (Pros):
- Honoring Your Squad: It’s a very public way to honor the people who stood by you during the ceremony.
- The Photos: There is something undeniably classic about the wide-angle photograph of the entire wedding party toasting at a long table.
Things to Consider (Cons):
- The Conversation Killer: You can only speak to the person directly to your left or right. You will likely barely speak to your Best Man or Maid of Honor on the far ends of the table.
- The “Plus-One” Problem: This is the biggest complaint about traditional head tables. It forces your bridal party to sit apart from their significant others or dates for dinner. This is often unpopular with the bridal party, even if they won’t admit it to you.
3. The King’s Table (or Harvest Table)
What it is: A modern twist on the traditional head table. It’s a large, wide rectangular table—often made by pushing two standard tables together—where people sit on both sides. It typically includes the couple, the bridal party, and their dates/spouses.
The Vibe: Inclusive, boisterous, and like a giant dinner party.
Why You Might Love It (Pros):
- Inclusivity: Everyone gets to sit with their dates. Your bridal party will thank you.
- Better Conversation: Because people are sitting across from each other as well as side-by-side, conversation flows much more naturally than at a traditional head table.
- Visual Impact: A King’s table looks incredibly lush and dramatic when decorated with runners and centerpieces down the middle.
Things to Consider (Cons):
- Space Hogs: These tables take up a significant amount of floor space. You need a venue with ample room.
- Centerpiece Challenges: You need low floral arrangements so people sitting across from one another can actually see each other.
4. Sitting with the Family
What it is: The couple integrates into the general seating plan, taking two seats at a standard round table reserved for their closest family members (usually parents and siblings).
The Vibe: Humble, family-oriented, and warm.
Why You Might Love It (Pros):
- Honoring Parents: If your parents contributed significantly to the wedding or if you are incredibly close to them, this is a beautiful gesture.
- Less “Staged”: It feels less like a production and more like a family dinner where you just happen to be the guests of honor.
Things to Consider (Cons):
- Family Dynamics: This only works if everyone gets along perfectly. If you are navigating divorced parents, stepparents who don’t speak, or strained sibling relationships, attempting this table can add massive stress to your day.
Wedding Expert Tip:
Remember that many of your wedding day photos will be taken of you as a couple at your head table. Whichever Format you choose, Decor is quintessential. Lighting, ceiling height and stage height (if applicable) should complement you as a couple, for the moment, for photography and most importantly for practicality. (Having to climb up and down stairs in a heavy gown with a long train may not be the best scenario…)
So Which Seat is Right for You?
There is no single “correct” way to arrange seating at your wedding. The best choice depends on your personalities, your venue layout, and the personal dynamics of your special guests.
If you crave a quiet moment in the chaos, go for the Sweetheart Table. If you want a grand, traditional look, choose the Head Table. If you want a loud, fun, inclusive dinner party vibe, the King’s Table is your winner.
Ultimately, as long as the two of you are sitting next to each other, you will always have the best seat in the house.
Your Wedding Expert,
xoxo Nandini
For TastersHUB Catering & Events
“You are the one who has made me what I am” -Arthur Conan Doyle
