Since you said “yes” to spending your life together as a married couple, odds are that much of your time and effort have been focused on planning a wedding day. Amidst all the talk about venues, colour schemes, signature drinks and menu choices, though, some crucial discussions may have gotten lost in the shuffle.
What happens after the honeymoon?
How are you going to live and thrive together as spouses? Dating, even longtime dating and living together, aren’t the same as being married. It’s a formal, public commitment you’re making that involves a legally recognized contract.
Colette Jane Fehr is a marriage and family therapist who is also host of the podcast Insights From The Couch. And she says “too many couples enter marriage without addressing the core issues that can make or break a marriage.”
That’s why Colette has put together a checklist of topics you need to hash out before hosting the party of a lifetime and sealing the deal with a marriage contract. From finances to family expectations, she breaks down the big conversations couples must have to avoid common pitfalls and strengthen their emotional foundation:
1. Money and Finances
How will we split bills and handle debt?
Joint or separate accounts?
What are our financial goals?
2. Children
Do we want kids, and if so, when?
How do we feel about adoption or fertility issues?
What are our parenting philosophies?
3. Career and Ambitions
How will we support each other’s careers?
Are we open to relocation?
How do we balance work and family?
4. Values and Beliefs
Do we align on religion, politics and core values?
What does loyalty mean to each of us?
5. Conflict and Communication
How do we argue and how can we improve?
Are we comfortable being fully honest?
6. Sex and Intimacy
Are our expectations compatible?
How do we maintain connection over time?
7. Family Dynamics
What role do our families play in our lives?
Are there any family boundaries we need?
8. Lifestyle and Habits
Do our routines, health goals and cleanliness standards align?
What are our expectations around chores and downtime?
9. Boundaries and Independence
How much alone time do we need?
Are we comfortable with each other’s social lives and friendships?
10. Long-Term Vision
Where do we see ourselves in five, 10, 20 years?
What does a successful marriage look like for us?
