Dear Nindi
My Fiance and I got engaged last month and everyone I speak to keeps telling me I need to get the ball rolling as soon as possible. To be honest I don’t really know if it’s too soon to begin planning because we haven’t really decided what we want. Where do I begin?
Happily Engaged in North Gower
Dear Happily Engaged,
Congratulations on your engagement! If it’s any reassurance, it’s completely normal to feel a bit overwhelmed. Suddenly everyone is an expert on weddings, offering advice like it’s going out of style. Just smile, nod, and keep in mind: it’s your big day, not theirs (unless they’re footing the bill, then maybe listen a little more;) Take a deep breath and remember—the most important thing is to enjoy this special time with your fiancé. Go on a date with your fiancé, share the news with close friends and family, and just enjoy being engaged. Planning can be stressful, so it’s good to start from a place of joy.
Your very first steps…Dream a little
Before you book a single vendor, talk with your fiancé about the kind of wedding you both want. You don’t need to have every detail figured out, but discussing some big-picture ideas will help guide your decisions. Think about:
The Vision & The Vibe: What’s Your Wedding Style?
Before diving into specifics, close your eyes and imagine your wedding day. You walk into a room filled with your favorite people. Is it a grand ballroom affair or an intimate garden ceremony? Rustic charm or modern elegance? This initial daydreaming will help shape all your subsequent decisions. Chat with your partner and get on the same page about the overall feel you both envision. Your vision for the overall feeling of your wedding will play a key role in every planning decision you make, from the venue and decor to the food and entertainment. Sitting down as a couple and establishing the tone you want to set for your special day will be crucial, from formal to cocktail to casual to boho chic the vibe is truly all about you and what you choose to curate..
Size
Do you want a small, intimate gathering or a large celebration? There is no right or wrong and size does not determine the experience you are trying to create.
Setting the Scene
Timing
What time of year do you want to get married? A specific month or season could influence everything from venue availability to the cost of flowers. Beyond that, think about the day of the week. Weekends are popular but can be more expensive, while weekdays might offer more flexibility and cost savings. Consider holidays too, as they can impact travel and guest attendance.
Do you dream of blooming spring flowers, a warm summer sunset, crisp autumn leaves, or a cozy winter wonderland? Deciding on a season can significantly narrow down your options.
The Date Hunt
While you might have a “lucky” date in mind, be flexible! Many venues and vendors book up quickly, especially for popular seasons. Have a few potential dates or even a range of dates ready. Weekdays can sometimes be more budget-friendly too!
Venue Scouting
This is often the biggest piece of the puzzle. Start researching venues that align with your vision and potential guest count. Think about:
Capacity: Can it comfortably hold your estimated guest list?
Availability: Does it match your preferred season/dates?
Included Services: Do they offer catering, tables, chairs, or do you need to source those separately?
Aesthetics: Does the venue itself complement your desired style, minimizing the need for extensive decor?
Are you envisioning a destination wedding, something in your hometown, or a unique spot like a national park? Are you envisioning a destination wedding, something in your hometown, or a unique spot like a national park? Are you seeing a rented venue or an outdoor backyard style celebration? Consider the logistics of each option – travel for guests, accessibility, and the overall atmosphere you’re hoping to create. Thinking about venues early on, even broadly, can help narrow down your search later.
Style/Theme
Do you have a particular aesthetic in mind? Rustic, modern, classic, bohemian, or something else entirely? While you don’t need to pick out every centerpiece now, a general idea of your desired style will help when you start looking at decor, invitations, and even attire. Pinterest boards and wedding magazines can be great for gathering inspiration at this stage.Priorities: What aspects of the wedding are most important to you both? Is it amazing food, a live band, stunning photography, or a truly unique experience for your guests? Identifying your non-negotiables early on will help guide your budget and vendor selections.
Talk about the budget
This is one of the most important conversations you’ll have in the early stages of planning. Talk openly with your fiancé about what you’re both comfortable spending and if any family members will be contributing. Be specific about who is paying for what, if applicable. Once you have a rough number, you can start to prioritize what’s most important to you—is it the food, the music, the photography, or perhaps the honeymoon? This will help you allocate your funds wisely and avoid uncomfortable surprises down the road. Remember that wedding costs can add up quickly, so setting a realistic budget from the start is paramount. It’s also wise to set aside a contingency fund (typically 5-10% of your total budget) for unexpected expenses.
Start a guest list
The key word here is start. This doesn’t have to be the final list, but creating a rough draft is crucial. Your guest count will be a major factor in determining your budget and what kind of venues you can consider, as many venues have capacity limits and catering costs are per person. Begin by listing immediate family, close friends, and then extend to other relatives and acquaintances. You’ll likely revise this list many times as you solidify your budget and venue, so don’t worry about it being perfect just yet. It’s helpful to consider an “A” list and a “B” list if you’re working with a strict guest count.
Gather Inspiration & Resources
Once you have a general idea of your vision, start exploring resources. Look at wedding blogs, magazines, and social media platforms like Instagram and Pinterest. Create a mood board to collect images and ideas that resonate with you. This isn’t about copying, but rather about identifying themes, colors, and styles that appeal to you. Consider attending a local wedding show or two to see different vendor styles and gather information. Both The Ottawa Wedding Show (Nov 1 & 2) and The Capital Wedding Show (October 19th) are great resources.
Consider a Timeline
While you don’t need a minute-by-minute itinerary, having a rough timeline can be incredibly helpful. Think about how long you realistically want your engagement to be. Are you aiming for a short engagement (6-12 months) or a longer one (18-24 months)? This will impact how quickly you need to make decisions and book vendors. A general timeline will help you break down the planning process into manageable phases.
By starting with these few steps, you’ll feel like you’re making progress without feeling like you’re spinning your wheels. The key is to take it one step at a time and do what feels right for you both as a couple. This journey should be exciting and enjoyable, not a source of stress. Celebrate each milestone and remember that at the end of the day, your wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment to each other.
When you are ready to dig in and begin with detailed planning it is a whole different ballgame. Tune in next week when I speak to one of Ottawa’s Premier Wedding Planners to talk about her Wedding Planning Process. I will also discuss how to pick the planner that is right for you and what to look for.
Your wedding journey is just beginning, enjoy it and let every moment sink in.
Happy planning and Congratulations!
Nindixoxo for TastersHUB
“Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.” — Maya Angelou
