Dear Nandini
I love children, especially all my nieces and nephews. I feel terrible for saying this but on my wedding day I want an adult only event. How do I say this to my guests without offending anyone?
Dear Adult – Only
First off before I begin let me start by saying – You are not alone. It’s a common dilemma that many couples face. You want to celebrate your big day with all the people you love, but you also want to create a specific kind of atmosphere for your reception—one that’s geared toward adults. Having an adult-only wedding allows for a more relaxed, party-like atmosphere, often with an open bar, later hours, and a menu that’s not catered to a younger palate. It also helps manage your budget and venue capacity, which can be a major stressor for any couple.
The good news is that with the right approach, you can communicate your wishes respectfully and with kindness.
Honesty and Communication
The key to navigating this is to be direct and clear from the very beginning. The first step is to establish a clear policy that applies to everyone. Making exceptions for some families and not others can cause hurt feelings and confusion. By treating every guest the same, you can avoid misunderstandings and show that your decision isn’t personal. You are simply establishing a rule that applies to all.
Start with your Save-the-Dates
The best way to announce your “adults-only” policy is to do so early, on your save-the-date cards. This gives your guests plenty of time to find a babysitter and make the necessary arrangements. By including a small note such as “Adults only, please,” you are setting the tone right away. You can also mention it on your wedding website, which should be a central hub for all information about the event.
Be Clear in Your Invitations
While the save-the-date card is a great way to give people a heads-up, the formal invitation is where you should be absolutely clear. The invitation’s envelope should be addressed only to the adults who are invited. If your guests have children, you should address the invitation to “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe,” not “The Doe Family.” This subtle but clear message can help avoid any confusion. You can also add a small note at the bottom of the invitation card, something like:
- “Please note this is an adults-only celebration.”
- “We respectfully request no children at the reception.”
Dealing with Disappointment
Despite your best efforts, some guests may still feel disappointed or even frustrated. This is where your communication skills will be put to the test. If a guest asks you about your decision, remain calm, kind, and firm. You do not need to over-explain or justify your decision, but you can say something like, “We love your children and would love to have them with us, but we’ve chosen to keep the reception intimate and adults-only. We hope you understand and can still join us.”
Alternative Accommodations
To make the situation easier for your guests, you can offer them some help. This shows that your decision is not meant to be a punishment and that you care about their well-being.
Provide Babysitting Services
A great way to help your guests is to provide babysitting services. You can hire professional babysitters to watch the children at the hotel or a nearby location while the parents enjoy the wedding. This is a win-win for everyone, as parents can relax and your event can go on as planned. If this is not an option due to budget constraints, you can at least provide a list of local, trusted babysitters that your guests can reach out to.
Let the Venue Do the Talking
Many venues do not allow children for safety reasons. You can always use this to your advantage by telling your guests that it is a venue policy. It’s an easy and straightforward way to handle the situation without making it personal.
Final Word
While it might feel uncomfortable, it’s important to remember that your wedding is a celebration of your love and a reflection of your desires as a couple. By communicating your wishes clearly, early, and with kindness, you can ensure that your adult-only wedding is a joyful, unforgettable occasion for you and all your guests.
xoxo
Nandini for TastersHUB Catering and Events
“Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will.” —Elaine Davis
